Allusio How To: manage holiday stress for young children

With Halloween fast approaching, some of us may already be spooked by the rush of the months to come.

September and October fly by, as we jump into “back-to-school” routines—hoping to fit in yearly apple picking, pumpkin patch photoshoots, and Halloween experiences galore. We know Thanksgiving will soon be here, with every December holiday following quickly behind, only to end with the New Year’s Eve midnight countdown. For three months, we overload ourselves with cute seasonal activities, spectacular feasts, extravagant decorating, and meticulous gift-giving. Already feeling anxious?

You aren’t alone.

Adults with young children most feel the burden of these holiday times. Along with anxiety and stress, we experience guilt if we feel that we’ve let down our children. This time of year is most romanticized. It is made magical and wonderful, full of childhood memories. We want to gift our children stories of Santa and sugary cookies, warm snowy nights by a roaring fire, and the laughter that comes from family and surprises.

But in reality, our children’s daily routines are often forgotten. Bedtimes and schedules are adapted or ignored. Homes are filled with strange faces of distant family members. And bellies are filled with excessive amounts of sweets and pies. It truly is a rollercoaster of a time.

For any family—even one who is financially comfortable and free of any hardships—the holidays can cause significant stress. It is especially challenging for families who work overtime in laborious jobs or who are strained financially. For children and caregivers who are living in temporary shelters or in unsafe conditions, there is a stark reminder of their situation. And families who are grieving the death of a loved one can feel immense loneliness and pain.

This is our reminder to you that you are not alone.

We carry so many high expectations that we can only face disappointment and guilt. This year especially, with the rising threat of COVID-19, many of us will spend the holiday season apart from our loved ones.

While this thought might be difficult to accept, we are choosing to reframe our mindset this year. This holiday season will be like no other that we have experienced. And while the world outside might be unfamiliar and frightening, we are asking you to join us in bringing healthy practices to support ourselves and our children through the coming months.

As experienced early educators, we are sharing these strategies and tools to help you manage your child’s stress during the holiday season.

Routine, routine, routine.

We’ve said this before, and we’ll say it again: Routine is everything.

Every child’s life should be grounded in as much routine and consistency as possible. Children perform and engage best when they know what to expect. A daily routine offers a sense of predictability and security. This comfort helps a child manage their emotions and behaviors, as well as prepare for upcoming transitions. 

If you haven’t already, create a daily schedule that is visible to your child. During the holiday months, it can be especially helpful to include a simple, linear calendar. A calendar and schedule will help your child know what to expect each day. It will help combat any atypical behavior that usually accompanies the frantic holidays, such as increased tantrums and regressive habits.

If you need some tips on how to create a successful calendar or schedule, reach out to us. We’d love to help with an affordable, high-quality, private consultation. 

Note: We cannot overstate how important it is to find time to play outside. As we spend more time indoors, all of us could use some more fresh air to help us cope with the colder days and longer nights. 

Set boundaries for yourself and your child

The holidays always bring on an excess. Too many sugary sweets, too many long nights past bedtime, you know the drill. Help your child manage holiday anxiety by setting limitations. 

You can personally limit how many sweets you bring into your home. We know: it can be difficult to walk past the dessert aisles and holiday specials. Remind yourself that you’ll be enjoying some warm, apple pie when you have a safe visit with someone in your quarantine pod. If you’re baking as a fun activity, find healthy substitutes.

Set realistic expectations for yourself: you can’t complete every holiday task you want. We want to give our child every fall-themed activity in the books. But more than ever, it’s about quality, not quantity. 

Make a monthly bucket list of what you’d like to do. Be mindful of what’s possible and what would make you feel rushed and overwhelmed.

Try a “Need, Should, Want” list. List everything to do that month or before the holiday, and decide where it should fall. Get through your need list before moving on, and so forth. And if you don’t get to everything on your want list, you can always save it for the future.

The wonder of new traditions

This year is different than any other. Many of us will be quarantined at home, working or learning remotely. We are anticipating the isolation that may come. With climate change, many regions aren’t facing their first snowfall until January. And then we’re looking at the long months of winter that seem to drag on. We already worry about the winter blues that follow the holidays, lasting from January until mid-April. The magical lights and warm carols that filled our homes in December are left behind when the ball drops at midnight.

But who said that has to be the case?

This year, we are challenging you to make new family traditions. Begin in November to help you adjust to a socially-distant Thanksgiving. Perhaps once a week is a family game night or movie night in a pillow fort. Maybe it’s enjoying a warm hot pot or family crafting session. Consider traditions you can take outside, even as the snow falls and winter approaches. 

Once you establish your new traditions, the single-day holiday celebrations will not feel as high-stake or rushed. Your family can enjoy an intimate feast and simpler holiday celebration, knowing you still have your weekly nights to look forward to. 

Keep calm and cope on

In a previous blog post, we talked about modeling our emotions and coping methods for our children. After all, they learn from our spoken and unspoken lessons. The more anxious and stressed we feel, the more it will carry into their minds and emotional experiences. 

As difficult as it may be, be mindful of how you are feeling and what you can do to alleviate your negative emotions. You are valid in your thoughts and feelings. There is no need to bring toxic positivity into your home. However, negative emotions are unpleasant, and we all seek coping methods to address them.

Find what works for you, and model it for your child. Perhaps you can have an open dialogue with your child about the stress you’re feeling and how you’re responding to it. This learning opportunity is a wonderful space for your child to learn about healthy strategies—that they will hopefully carry into their own life. 

We hope these simple tips and strategies can help you manage this year’s holiday stress. At the end of the day, our health is all we have. Here at Allusio Academy, we place our social and emotional wellbeing at the front of our work.

Please reach out if you have any questions or are looking for an expert early educator’s support. We’re happy to help.